Originally Posted: 20 October 2003
Disclaimer: Although no names are mentioned, characters belong to Fox etc
Acknowledgements: thanks to Circe I. for the beta
Sometimes I wonder if this is real. Am I really in love or have I deluded myself into believing I am? Knowing the things I know now about the life that lives beyond our reach, do I look to him to allay my fears of being in this world, of existing with them? Do I feel I need him to bring me the answers that forever nag me from somewhere beyond my conscious thoughts? Or is it merely a longing for the physical touch, for those private, tender moments between us? Have I simply tired of being alone? Have I mistaken these needs for love?
I wonder how other people see us. I wish I could have their objectivity for just a moment. I wish I could know what makes me feel the way I do. What I do know is that I am drawn to this man, both physically and emotionally. It is not at all as I would have imagined it, it’s more difficult, more tumultuous. But maybe having found the person who can do all of this for me is to have found love. Maybe this is love.